….to you
whom I have loved your whole life. I
have always held you dear to my heart. I
have worried for you, cared for you, fought with you, but through it all, I
have always loved you fiercely with a blind loyalty that I hope you can always
depend upon. From the moment I realized
that you were mine, I have cared for you with a love that knows no limit. You will always have my love.
I write
this with tears in my eyes because my hurt is deep. I have thought long and hard before sitting
down to scribe these words. Consider
this my New Year’s gift to you. Do with
them as you will.
You have
disappointed me. Perhaps because I love
you, I expected more from you. When did
you stop being that person who actually knew me? When did you grow into this person who has
turned a blind eye to the world around you?
I have taken pride in the path that you have walked because every
milestone that you’ve overcome is an achievement, a testament to your
character, to the person you have yet to be.
I know you
the year you have left behind was the hardest of your life. No one will ever love you quite the way the
one you lost. You are loved. That you need never doubt. You’ve grown up. You’ve had to. Did you want to? Did anyone ask if you wanted to grow up this
way? I’m not asking, I’m just wondering
if you allowed that little kid within you to protest.
Life is
fleeting. Perhaps this is more reason to
stop and ponder along the journey. You’ve
chosen to pursue God. Have you asked
yourself why? More importantly, have you
answered whether or not you’re willing to pay the cost that comes with pursuing
Him? I’ve walked this path you’re now
walking. I’ve endured pain you can’t
comprehend. But through it all, I never
once lost sight of my first love or that everything has always been about the
pursuit of Him, who first loved me. I’m
not explaining myself to you. I don’t
owe you an explanation.
Life is a
gift. The sorrow, the pain, the hardship,
they are equally important as the joy, contentment, and peace every believer
seeks. Are you going through the motions
or are you living? Following Christ is a
choice. It’s a choice to live a life
that sets you apart from everyone else. It’s
not about drawing lines in the sand or building walls to keep yourself separate
from those whose walk may not be the same as yours. Not everyone walks. Some require assistance from canes, prosthesis, or wheels. Are you
separating yourself or are you part of the human race that is His creation? Have you taken the moment to love the least
of His creatures? Have you embraced
those who are lost and given them hope?
Have you given love to someone who is less fortunate than you? Are you a servant of your Master?
Love is
free. What have you done, whom my heart
loved all your life to make another feel loved?
You’ve given to charity and you’ve toiled to serve others. But has your very life made a difference in
the life of another? You spoke very
eloquently of a woman who loved the flowers in her garden. So I ask you, how will you live your life? Will you be a tribute that will honor the
memory of your gardener or will you simply go through the motions?
I have
watched you and waited. I had hoped that
perhaps there is more substance and it is merely hidden because you’re in
pain. It takes courage to look in the
mirror and see the ugly face of your naked grief. I should know, I started at it. It takes great endurance to get up and keep
getting up. It takes wisdom to accept
your brokenness and embrace it. I’m not
offering an explanation. I’ve said this
before. I just wanted to say to you,
that you have disappointed me. You’ve
had an opportunity to make a difference but you’ve missed it.
Grief is a
funny thing so I can forgive your thoughtlessness. But I can’t ignore how much my disappointment
in you pains me. I’m not used to being
disappointed by you. I expected more
from you than superficiality. I had
hoped better for you, that you would one day be someone who would change the
world simply by being in it. I hope you
find the ability to dream again. You
appear to have forgotten. Life is more
than simply existing. Don’t discount my
love. One day, it too will be gone.
