....this is my Christmas wish...

Upon much reflection I must admit, “[i]t is well with my soul”.  I have cried and grieved much, perhaps far more than I would like.  I cry and grieve still.  Yet life move forwards.  As the day of my mother’s birth approaches, two days before Christmas in fact, my thoughts turn more and more towards that babe born in a manger over 2,000 years ago.  I can’t escape this emptiness within my heart, the ache deep in my soul.  I am broken.  Permanently.  There is no quick fix or even a lengthy recovery from this.  Her material possessions are as cold as the grave I will never visit.  Her warmth is gone as is the tender care with which she nurtured all things, living and non-living.  

On this day, when despair would devour me whole, I find myself listening to Horatio Spafford’s hymn “It Is Well With My Soul”.  I know the song and the story of its composition well but I never paused to dwell on the lyrics before.  I was hoping to gain comfort form the following words:

“When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

Instead, I found a promise….

“Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!”

I have been attacked to my core this past week from those closest to me.  I don’t say this as a means of complaint against anyone.  Rather, I say this with the realization that we don’t have defenses against those we love the most.  We can guard our hearts, but not against those we love.  It's not possible.  That is how the enemy will come, as a slithering serpent into our very garden of Eden, to break, to steal, to destroy, until we have nothing left.  The last few weeks have been filled with anger, pain, and a lot of hurt.  I have spent two week amidst harsh economic conditions and the end just doesn’t seem in sight.  Then I really heard the words to the song.  

Christ has regarded that I would be here, right now, and He has shed His blood for my soul!  In the midst of this raging storm in my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my peace are all under attack, but Christ knew this.  He has shed His blood for MY soul.  Not in part, by in whole.  How profound is that thought, not only the sin that I committed yesterday but the one I have yet to commit.  I am imperfect.  He is perfect.  I will respond in a way that is less than perfect.  To err is human as the poet said.  I will err over and over and over again.  Yet, 2,000 years ago before He appeared in the manger, He chose to regard my helpless estate and shed His blood for my soul.  Not in part, but in whole, until I draw my last breath.  It humbled me unlike anything else has ever done in my life.  If I hadn’t done this before, when I gave my life to him all those years ago, I do so now and humble myself to Him and offer my complete and total surrender.  

“And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well, with my soul.”

I thought of my mother and those last few weeks when she came home.  We are human and parting for us is sorrowful at the best of times.  We hold each other up the best that we can.  We react, we ache, we hurt, we mourn, we grieve, and we do whatever we have to do to go through the motions of living because we are still here on this earth.   Our life continues on.  Time moves on.  

In those last few weeks, though I didn’t know it then and wouldn’t for a good while, the doorway to heaven was open.  She wasn’t waiting to go, with her bags all packed.  No, she was waiting for her Jesus to come and get her.  The presence of God grew stronger as the day for her departure came nearer.  Only God knows the hour when He will come.  For those of us who were fortunate to be able to visit with her, we got to experience that awesome presence of God.  When I arrived at the house after her departure, the presence was gone.  The Lord of hosts had descended in the night while we slept and as quietly as the babe was born in the manger amidst Mary’s agony and Joseph’s concerned helplessness, He took my mother’s hand and she left with Him.  She was ready.  Are we?

As we go through the last minute checks on the gifts and the parties, pause for a moment and dwell on that night.  A mother close to her time.  A world in turmoil.  Labor pains begin and there is no room at the inn.  A husband, desperately concerned for his wife and the well-being of the child she’s about to bring into this world.  Into this scene came the Son of God, Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, the Messiah the world was waiting for.  He regarded our helpless, hopeless estate and He came into this world still knowing, He would die on that cross for our souls!  

I hope this Christmas season, you can reflect on your circumstances and know that all is well with your soul because that babe, born in the manger at Bethlehem died for your soul.  Our sins, not in part, but in whole was nailed to the cross.  So whoever you are, wherever you are, you don’t have to carry whatever you are carrying.  Take the gift that has been given to you.  Be free and let it be well with your soul.