He was born, the love of my life, on this day, over 6 years ago. He was purple and I remember my mother's careening cry and his father repeatedly crying "this isn't how it's supposed to be." You see, he was purple and wasn't breathing. That was but a moment and for that moment, he was whisked away from me to spend the first two days of his life in the NICU.
 |
| Our first meeting |
Today, I feel the passing of my mother, that old wound like it was made yesterday. The missing part of me, the broken part of me, the grief that overwhelms me, I feel it more keenly than I have in a long time. I knew this day would come. It was inevitable. Now it's here.
 |
| the newest link on the unbroken chain |
I am choosing to move through day, not as if nothing ever happened but rejoicing in what did happen, the birth of my son. You see, that little boy impacted my life more than anyone I know. He changed me in ways I never anticipated. He showed me the depths of me, the breadth of me, and when I thought I couldn't go on anymore, he showed me exactly how strong I really am as he anchored me and pulled me back from the abyss.
 |
| my son and me, motherhood |
 |
| Happy birthday, my love |
We all seek a connection, a link to another living person. I was linked to someone, the woman inside of whom God fearfully and wonderfully created me. Then she simply slipped away, leaving me alone to figure it out on my own. She was right though, when she said she knew I was going to be ok. Since she left me, I have found a way back to myself, granted its a new self, but I am moving forward, holding onto a little pair of hands, that's quickly growing big everyday.
Today, despite the grief and pain that rings loud within me, I am celebrating life, the life of a little boy who came into mine and completely changed it. Somehow, he made me better.
No comments:
Post a Comment